insecure.

Part of me is very excited about this month of in-shapeness that is about to take place. I've got different friends encouraging me and rooting me on. Other friends are reaching out and offering professional advice and services. It's all very cool.

Another part of me is not looking forward to it at all. Mainly because it means doing a bunch of things that I don't like doing, like eating less and running more.

But I've made up my mind. It's going to happen and I'm going to succeed.

I will eat more balanced meals, but not more. I will be shooting for easier breaths at higher elevations. I will shed my inner tube and awaken dormant muscles.

There will be times when I grow miserable because I am running...I don't like running. I will have to fight off cravings for breakfast burritos and cheeseburgers. I will wake up in the morning unable to move.

But I have already committed to this.

Here's a good example of why this needs to happen...

Last Friday, I participated in the Eldorado State Park Clean Up. "Eldo" is the top climbing location in the state, and one of the top in the country. There were lots of "industry" people there, most of whom were in very good shape. These in-shape people were quite excited to be helping make their backyard playground a better place, and so was I. The clean up was not picking up candy wrappers and beer cans, it was hammering rocks into trail steps at 8000 feet. I could have helped the team out with the upper trail work, but I chose to stay close to the river and uproot noxious plants from the roadside. My insecurities got the best of me. I didn't want to expose the fact that I would have been terribly winded just walking up this trail, and probably would have needed medical attention if I would have tried moving boulders and attempting to "help" build a trail.

I usually don't let my insecurities get to me, and if they do, I usually don't post them for the world to read. But this was a classic example of me missing out on a potentially awesome experience, and my outofshapeness getting the best of me.

So hopefully during and after this experiment of training for nothing, I will not only physically be able to participate in activities my body will no longer groan at, my mind will be confident that my body is capable.

That's the hope, anyway.



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