jump.

My brain has been going a million miles an hour lately. A million.

I've got so many things going on in my head, it's hard to sort them all out and get them taken care of.

I think what's triggering the coagulation of thoughts...what the nucleus is...is the thought of making not only a good living, but an exciting living.

Yes, my fun career choice of being in the outdoor industry is starting to lose its luster. Having to handle different types of personalities from different types of people on a constant basis is chipping away at my brain and at my soul.

In some way, shape or form, for the last 16 years I have had to deal with people in a sales or service format...with the exception of working in a steel factory for two years, blue collar style. When you are in sales, or in my case, retail, anyone can walk through those doors. It's a public place. Crazy people, pretentious people, hateful people, socially inept people, and brainless people. But also delightful people, friendly people, courteous people, and likable people. It's the former batch that chips away at me. It's the people who have no business going out in public at all. The people with no common sense, no tact, no manners, and no reason to like them or want to assist them. Not a day goes by that I don't run into at least one of these worthless beings. Except for when I have a day off.

And I've heard the pep talks, the "it's not as bad as you're letting it be, Matt" talks. I've definitely looked into this rather deeply, thinking that it might be me...that I might be letting little things get to me. But it's not me, it's them.

Back when I started sales, I was young and didn't care about assholes or morons. They made me laugh and were easy to shrug off. But part of it was because I really didn't take my job that seriously either. I was young, people were idiots, and I said what I wanted to them or laughed at them and that was it. But I'm much older now. I take offense to people that have no idea how to act in public or don't know how to treat another person. It no longer is easy to laugh at on a regular basis...because it happens so often. And also, it is no longer my job to put up with douche bags, it's my career choice. That chips away at me as well.

So, what to do? What to do?

I think when you get to a point like this in your life, you have to do some soul searching. You have to ask yourself a lot of very important questions. And if those answers do not relate to where you are currently in your life, you have to then make a very important decision. You may have to jump. Not "suicide" jump, "Van Halen" jump. If you think it's time for a change, you are going to have to plan things out the best you can...and then jump. It's scary as hell. I've done it a couple times. But the older you get, the more difficult it gets. So, with each jump, each consisting of different degrees of difficulty within themselves, they still become progressively harder. Mainly because over the years, you accumulate things like stability, family, roots, and each one of these "grown up" things is affected by bold moves.

It can be tricky, too. Because the older you get, the more value you have...to a point. Sure, at age 40 you probably have a hell of a resume. Lots of experience. But to a potential employer, you are going to cost them more money than a fresh out-of-school applicant with unlimited potential and service. It's like a baseball player's career lifeline. And also, if you are going to do a 180 in the real world, there's a good chance you are going to have to educate yourself. Going back to school at age 30 or 40 can't be a picnic. And then finding a job afterwards? Kudos to those that can pull it off.

Then there's starting your own business. That appeals to me. My beef with my current situation has to do with corporate guidelines, and being "on" constantly...whether it be with the customer or my corporate superiors. With your own gig, some of that can be eliminated depending on what the new gig is. But starting your own business is no cake walk either. Once again, you really have to educate yourself. But I've got more drive to go that direction than to start completely over with school, followed by fresh job hunting.

I'm extremely entrepreneurial minded. I am constantly thinking of ways that I can make that aforementioned exciting living. Sometimes they're realistic ways, other times not. And I have no doubt that I could form a successful business, as long as I had someone to help out with the whole money part of it.

So, with all the above said, that's kind of where I'm at right now. I may stay right where I'm at, or I may decide to jump one of these days. I'm just trying to answer those important questions right now. I'm weighing certain things, thinking about opportunity and consequence, and including "grown up" things in those thoughts.

I'm glad I wrote this down, because I think that it would be a lot healthier, and more fun to shrug people off a little more. That's what they deserve, and I don't deserve high blood pressure just because they don't know how to act. So if you plan on coming into my store, don't be stupid, because you're gonna get laughed at and made fun of from now on. You deserve it.




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