As Far As Heros Go...

Maybe it has something to do with Saturday morning. Waking up and immediately turning the TV on to watch Batman, Tarzan, Superfriends, or Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends.

I find myself this morning trying to decide who the coolest superhero is.

First, you have to decide if by "coolest", you mean a superhero that you think is wicked by themselves or a superhero you would like to be. For instance, Batman. I think he is very cool, but no way would I want to be him. He has unmatched detective skills, the physical abilities of a ninja, and perhaps the coolest toys ever imagined. But a superhero? Boring. No super powers at all, just advanced regular capabilities.

Let's compare Batman to, let's say...Superman. Superman has the most super powers out of any superhero on the planet...or any other planet. The Earth's yellow sun gives him super-human strength, x-ray vision, blinding speed, heat-rays from his eyes, and powerful breath. He's like a tricked-out Bentley, and Batman is like a '68 Camaro.

Honestly, Superman is so "super", that he bores me. He's kind of like one of those guys that's good at everything, so you immediately root against him.

That's DC, though. Their superhero's always kind of bored me. I'm much more of a Marvel guy. There were so many more "realistic" superheros. They were almost like real people.

Take Bruce Banner for instance. He was this quiet, nerdy type of guy who kept to himself until he got pushed around by the mean ole' general (and father of the girl he was obsessed with). All he wanted to do was his science projects and court Betty Ross. Then, a mishap with some gamma rays mutated him into a Frankenstein-ish monster when he got angry, which happened to be quite a bit. It's a classic Jeckyll & Hyde type of storyline, with a "bully that learns his leason" type of twist and a love story thrown in.

I am much more of an Incredible Hulk guy. I'm not sure if I necessarily consider him a superhero, though. We can all relate to the Hulk (at least I can), and we're all pulling for the Hulk. But there's this King Kong type of thing going on there, too. He loves the girl, but has to try and overcome all these obstacles, including his beastly, primal exterior and mentality, in order to get her.

Any guy has had Hulk moments. If you are dating a girl, and some douche bag starts hitting on her, you wish you could turn into the Hulk and smash him. I've actually tried and it doesn't work like in the comics.

Comic-wise, I could always relate to Spider-Man. There was sort of the same thing going on with Peter Parker that there was Bruce Banner, with the bullies and all. But Spider-Man was much more of a hero. Maybe not on a global scale like Superman, but he kept New York in check. Spider-Man was always smart, in addition to his super-human physical abilities. And there was always a deep, human element to his story. Spider-Man was always my favorite comic to read growing up, but unfortunately Toby and Kirsten have kind of ruined the story for me. Not that the movies were bad, but they took away a portion of the imagination that goes into reading a comic book. Most movies that are based on books, be it comic or otherwise, do that whether we realize it or not.

I'd say on a hero basis, it's probably between Superman and Spider-Man. I know I bad-mouthed Superman earlier, but I've been reconsidering during my writing.

It's got to be tough to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. I mean, even the President looks to Superman for advice. Yea, he can pretty much do it all, but one little piece of green kryptonite and he's fucked. Spider-Man doesn't have that problem. Although there's no chance Spider-Man would be called upon to protect the Earth. He can't fly, therefore time is a serious issue when trying to protect the world. And it doesn't make much sense to book a charter flight for a superhero. Spider-Man is better off sticking to NYC.

So I suppose Superman is your quintessential hero. Everyone knows he's a badass. But the cool thing about Superman is that when he's Clark Kent, he's a fucking nerd. I dig that. There aren't too many superheros that are cool as shit when in their alter-ego state. Except for Bruce Wayne. That's another reason Batman doesn't appeal to me all that much. He's a spoiled rich kid. Although so was Tony Stark, but he earned it. Bruce did not, he just had everything given to him whereas Tony built the shit.

So yes, alter-ego's play a significant role in which superhero is the coolest.

And I can't believe I'm saying this, but as I pick it apart, I'm starting to lean towards Superman. He's a nerd, he's got a crush on a girl (Lois Lane), he is a badass when he needs to be, yet he is vulnerable (see: kryptonite), he has a lot of pressure on him in both egos (reporting on important happenings in Metropolis as C. Kent and saving the world as Superman), and to top it off, he's just a good guy. I still tend to root for the good guy. I believe he's got a good heart, which probably stems from his humble upbringing by his down-to-earth step-parents that raised him in Smallville. You have to appreciate good, honest morals.

Jesus, I guess Superman wins. I had no idea this would be the outcome when I started this post. How generic. How vanilla. How ho-hum. I was hoping I would talk myself into someone like Thor or Green Lantern. It's all there, though. You've just read the argument, and although I really don't consider myself a Superman guy, as far as hero's go, he is the big winner.

I guess when you're good at what you do, people just can't argue that. Superman is the best at what he does. I usually root for the underdog, but in this case you just can't deny that he does a fine job of not only protecting Metropolis, but the rest of the world too. Who else does that? Batman? The Hulk? Spider-Man? Nope. Superman doesn't require a private jet to travel to the ends of the Earth to fight evil. He is not bipolar. He's not a rich jerk. He doesn't require a team like the Fantastic Four, X-Men, or Avengers. He puts others ahead of himself. And he's genuine.

As far as "Heros" go, he's a real hero. Not just some 'roided out mutant like Wolverine or The Thing.

I feel safe having Superman around. I can't say that about anyone else.




.