Today marks a new year. Not for America or the Earf, but for me. Today is my New Year.
On real New Year's, I never make resolutions or swear to stop doing this or swear to start doing that. In fact, I do not like New Year's. Something creepy and discomforting about it. But my birthday, now that's a different feel. It's when my mileage rolls over and I get a feeling of freshness, hope, determination, appreciation, and excitement.
I am 36 now. That's basically 40, which is fine. And age has never deterred me from doing what I want...it's just a number, right? But this year it's a little different. I don't necessarily feel like I'm running out of time to do certain things, I just feel like it is time to do certain things.
My personal feeling this year, my personal resolution, is to not be afraid of failure. I'm sure that there are a hundred old sayings out there by Ben Franklin or Teddy Roosevelt or Albert Einstein about "failing being the next step to success" or someshit, and that's cool. But this year it's the truth.
There are a lot of things that I want to do. A lot of ideas that I want to pursue to see what they might hold. And in the back of my mind, there is this little "something" holding me back a bit. Sometimes I break through that "something", but more times than not it holds me back. And more times than not, that "something" is me being afraid of failing. So I play it safe and don't even make an attempt.
So, during my thirty-sixth year on this planet I plan on being a failure.
I am really looking forward to the attempts, the roadblocks, the steps, the realizations, and the successes. There are going to be some transitions; some changes. There will always be balance. But most importantly, there will be the excitement of learning. Yea, it's cliche', but you don't know until you try.
When Yoda said, "Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.", it really made me think...
I totally see where he's coming from. When becoming a Jedi, there really isn't much room for failure. And I realize that is a great mindset to have no matter who you are. But in an everyday Earthling's life, when we decide to embark on a new career, or attempt something that we've never tried before, there is definitely room for failure. And I think "failure" is a pretty harsh term...
I suppose it applies to things that you know for a fact you want to do. Like, for instance let's say I want to be a school teacher. It's been my life long dream to become a school teacher. My mom is a school teacher, my dad is a school teacher, all my brothers and sisters are school teachers, I know that I want to be a school teacher...but I have all this college to go through and I have to work while I'm going to college and I just don't know if it'll ever happen! Well, that's when you have to listen to Yoda. No try. Do. And if you don't listen to Yoda and you give up, then you have failed.
But let's say that I want to open my own business. I don't know exactly what it is that I want to do, but I've got a great business sense, fantastic ideas, funding for start up, and the intelligence and ambition to succeed. So I think about opening my own store. I dig into it deeply and find out that the cons are starting to outweigh the pros, and that this idea probably isn't the right move for me. So I back away from it and re-evaluate. I don't really consider that a failure.
In the same vein, let's say I start up said store, run it for a couple years and eventually go belly-up. I tried, but it just didn't work. I made some mistakes, misread the market, didn't advertise myself well, whatever. That, I suppose could be classified as a failure. Or, you could just refer to it as a "learning experience", because essentially that's what it is. Yea, your business failed, but it could be the precursor to an enormously successful store on down the road. All the "bad" things that happened with your first store you apply to your new one--just do them the right way this time.
So, each "failure" is actually fuel. It's education. It's experience. It's balls. And it all gives you fuel for your next endeavor; fuel to succeed.
But what's success? Fuck, I don't know.
For the longest time, I wanted to be a fly fishing guide. I grew up fishing, became pretty good at it, and with my constant over thinking about doing what I love for a living, it made sense to be a fly fishing guide. So I cleared out a little path in my life that eventually led to becoming a fly fishing guide. Once I decided that was the direction I wanted to go, it took me about two years to finally get a taste of what it's like to get paid to take people fly fishing. I quickly learned that I didn't really care for it. So obviously, I didn't pursue it much farther.
I guess that I succeeded--or did I fail? I did what I had always talked about. Just because I don't live in a log cabin alongside the Henry's Fork, spending 300-plus days on the water with strangers doesn't mean I have failed at becoming a fly fishing guide, does it? I didn't try to do it, I did it. But after I did it, I realized that I didn't like it. I guess you could say that I "tried it", or maybe more accurately; tried it out. It depends on your definition of "try".
Now, if I were to set a personal goal of writing up a business plan to open my own shop instead of just opening my own shop, that would be a much more realistic goal. Setting short-term goals and achieving them...at least until you realize you've "tried" enough to know you if you're going to like it or not. But have you tried it long enough, or have you just quit?
Well? What is it, Yoda?
Bottom line is, do more shit. Don't be afraid of failing, or not trying hard enough. If you want to do something, do it. If you decide you don't want to do something, don't do it. Just don't do it based on fear. "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."
So, in a nutshell, that's not my New Year's resolution...it's my birthday promise. To do more shit. And not be scared.
"Try there is...sometimes. Always do, unless one does not like do. Then don't. If try, succeed you will, unless quit you do."
WTF, Yoda. WTF.
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