Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Dokken Day 2.0

Look at the hair. Hair that says, "I like to party, kick ass, and fuck." Hair like this was once considered a symbol of power. Accompanied with ripped t-shirts, boots with buckles, various tapestries dangling, very very tight pants, and a little makeup applied to the face, this was a style that led 80s rock 'n rollers to the land of loud, obnoxious, sexy, big dumb rock. It was a glorious land.

This particular band pictured is, of course, Dokken.

In the year 2010, a party was held in Springfield, Missouri to celebrate the day that is, Dokken Day. The party was good. There was rock, spandex, heavy drinking, hot tubbing, an 80s metal kick contest, high-pitched vocalizing, and good fellowship.

Two years later, Dokken Day will rise again from the ashes like a glowing, fiery hawk--talons agape, ready to latch onto a hot pink Ibanez electric guitar and fly high above the horizon for everyone to see. 2012 will bring together the same band of rockers committed to celebrating not only one of the greatest 80s Metal bands with two "k's" in their name--but every band that donned the perfectly hairspray-teased mane; the denim, spandex, and leather; and the attitude of excesses.

Dokken Day 2.0 will be ridiculous.


Sunday, November 27, 2011



(slang) Concerning extreme appearance, attitudes and/or behavior that is considered admirable.

That's what Wiktionary says. But badass (in the adjective form) is kind of indescribable. It's one of those terms that you just know when it fits. I use it quite a bit, probably because I, for one, am badass. I am not a badass, mind you--far from it, actually--but I surround myself with things badass, therefore I am.

In case you are unclear on this adjective, the following is a list of things that are badass--and also a list of things that you might think are badass, but are not.

The movie, "The Incredible Hulk" = badass
The movie, "Hulk" = not badass

Motorhead = badass
Nickelback = not badass

Trans Am = badass
Mustang = not badass
Camaro = bitchin'

Star Wars Episode IV, V, and VI = badass
Star Wars Episode I, II, and III = not badass

Willie McGee and Tommy Herr = badass
Nyger Morgan and Brandon Phillips = not badass

Monster Truck Jam = badass
NASCAR race = not badass

Devil horns = badass
Peace sign = not badass

Budweiser = badass
Mike's Hard Lemonade = not badass

That's just a small example of certain things that are badass.

Typically, a successful doings is considered badass. Like, "That _____ was badass!" Here, we can insert "roadtrip", "concert", "game", or "party"--just as long as the subject of the statement qualifies as badass. For example, you cannot say, "That roadtrip to Branson, Missouri was badass!" That doesn't work. Only unless your roadtrip to Branson, Missouri consisted of dangerous drunken driving, accosting a local celebrity (ie: Yakov, Andy Williams, or an Oak Ridge Boy), or defacing a theater by means of human excrement. Then--and only then does your roadtrip to Branson, Missouri classify as badass.

When descibing music as badass, it gets a little tricky. Certain musical acts are a given: Social Distortion, Johnny Cash, Van Halen, AC/DC, Willie Nelson, Ramones, and the aforementioned Motorhead. Bands trying to be badass, but instead being ridiculous (see above: Nickelback) are obviously not badass and never will be badass. I say "never will be" because--and this is the tricky part--musical acts that do not fall into the categories of "badass" or "ridiculous" can be accociated with the term badass at times. Example: "Wow, that Coldplay concert was badass!"

Now, I don't consider Coldplay to be badass. I don't consider them ridiculous, either. To me, they're just kind of there. But I'd say there's a possibility based on what I've heard about their live shows that if I were to go see Coldplay in concert, realistically with low expectations, that I might be surprised to the point of saying, "Wow, that Coldplay concert was badass!" Please note, though, that this statement does not, in any way, make Coldplay badass. It just means that they really impressed me to the point of liking them for the time being and I have expressed my pleasure by stating that their concert was badass, that's all.

This is a totally hypothetical example, too. I've never seen Coldplay or really even listen to them. I'm just using them to make a point.

Some confuse the terms "badass" and "kick ass". Totally different. It's similar to "like" and "love"--or "yes!" and "fuckin' a!" Kick ass expresses an intense feeling of pleasure, whereas badass takes it to the next level.

Example: "That party last night was kick ass!"

"No man, that party last night was badass!!"

Please be aware, though, that "kick ass" used as a verb is equally as powerful as the adjective "badass" and more powerful than the adjective "kick ass". Example: "Every Rodney Dangerfield movie kicks ass." is equal to "Every Rodney Dangerfield movie is badass."...but not equal to "Every Rodney Dangerfield movie is kick ass."

"Kick ass" is just more powerful as a verb than it is an adjective...as powerful as "badass". That's just how it is.

The terms "badass", "kick ass", and "fuckin' a", when used properly, can assemble an extremely powerful sentence structure.

As far as the spelling for badass goes, I've decided that it should be one word. I realize that this is probably the prefered spelling for the noun variation (ex: "Nick Nolte is a badass."), but I feel that regarless of the terminology, the one-word spelling is more powerful. Plus, it's easier to text (ex: "got u tix to soc d show 2nite"..."badass"). And in addition, it is acceptable to include quotations or not to--your choice.

Now, I'm off to watch the Chiefs vs. the Steelers on tv. I do not feel strongly enough about either team, nor NFL Football in general to describe this doings as "badass". But, like with my Coldplay example earlier, the game may pleasantly surprise me enough for me to deem the game "badass".

Please enjoy these videos of things that have earned the definition "badass".

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Thoughts, Updates, Ramblings, and Such.

Let the randomness....begin!

** First things first--I have moved on. I no longer manage a retail store. I associate with people who manage retail stores, but I myself do not hold that title anymore.

I have moved on to the profession of sales representation once again. Only this time I am not representing things that I could give a shit about (re: air handling units, pumps, and whatever else I used to sell. Sorry dad.), I am representing things that I enjoy (re: tents, hiking boots, camp stoves, cool winter jackets). I work from home, travel quite frequently, and am moving back to the Midwest.

Yes, out of Colorado and back into Kansas City. It's cool though, it will allow me to be closer to my family, my friends, and my baseball team.

How's that for a segway?

** My baseball team is, and always will be the St. Louis Cardinals. My first memories of existence include the Cardinals. Cards posters, Cards lamp, Cards sheets, Cards jammies, Cards ball caps... I remember them winning the 1982 World Series. I remember them losing to the Royals in 1985, assisted by "the call" at first base. I remember '87 against the Twins. I saw Mark McGwire's first home run as a Cardinal...back to back with Ray Langford. I own a streak of 11 years in a row seeing the Cubs/Cards rivalry. 2004 WS loss. 2006 WS win.

And then came the greatest game ever played. Game six of the 2011 World Series. And I was at a fucking sales meeting. I saw the meat of the game in the bar at the fancy resturant where our work dinner was. Then followed the play-by-play in the shuttle back to the hotel. Luckily I made it back to my room to see the dramatic win. But it wasn't just game six, it was the entire run from August that made that win so special.

** My dad's best friend growing up died. It's kind of a weird deal. Dad and Jim were best friends as kids, up through high school, and then past college. Jim was dad's best man, and I believe dad, Jim's. Jim and his family moved to Texas some time after college and they obviously saw much less of each other. I remember seeing Jim when I was a kid. Him and his family would visit from time to time, as we would visit them. Then as the years went on, dad and Jim drifted apart for whatever reason.

This whole story has me thinking fairly deeply about a few things. Dad didn't find out about Jim's death until some random, mutual acquaintance included dad on an email about Jim's obituary. Now, let me back up. Over the years, dad has tried reaching out to Jim--he's called him several times with no reply. Why? Who knows. Probably because people get caught up in their own shit and the past becomes an afterthought...I don't know. And upon finding out this sad news, dad obviously felt extremely bad. Felt he should have tried harder.

Here's what makes me start thinking: Not to place any "blame" on my dad's deceased friend, but dad tried. If I were to drift apart from my best friend since memory starts--which is bound to happen to a point during adulthood--I'm going to return his calls. I'm going to shoot him an email from time to time. And I'm certainly going to let him know that I have cancer and am going die soon. There's drifting apart, and then there's just oddly blocking someone out for no apparent reason.

Here's the rest of what's got me thinking: Jim, obviously, was my dad's age. That makes, let's see...1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 parents of friends or friends of parents whom have passed away recently. All from cancer, I believe. And that's just the ones that I was close to.

It's a depressing subject and one I don't enjoy thinking about, but "who knows when?" No one.

That's why, if you are best friends with your parents, like I am...best friends with your wife, like I am...best friends with your sister, like I am...best friends with your best friends, like I am...and best friends with your kids, like I am going to be...then you need to throw any selfishness out the window and spend as much time with them as you can. No need to suffocate them, just find that balance of good, quality time.

** Balance. That's such a meaningful term to me. Balance is the blueprint to my entire life's structure. I don't feel like explaining that--I'll just let you ponder it for yourselves.

** Pujols? Sure, for a fair price. I wouldn't mind getting the band back together as long as we're not breaking the bank for the next ten years. If he splits though, so be it. He's a good ballplayer, but he's not THE Cardinals. At this point in his career I'd say he's replaceable. I'd be okay with letting him go to South Beach with LeBron and us finding the next Joey Votto.

Whatever happens, happens. And that's cool.