Been awhile. Sorry, I've been cheating on this blog with another, much more cynical blog. Wish I had a happier vibe to go along with my first post in months, but I really don't.
Lost a family member today. A good guy who unfortunately lost his extremely quick battle with cancer. Seems like that shit is everywhere lately.
Jed is my dad's cousin's husband--or my second cousin's dad. When companies list family members that you are allowed bereavement leave to attend the funeral of, this relationship generally isn't mentioned in the rundown of relatives. That's kind of bullshit. How do they know how close or not you were to that particular person? While it sounds like Jed was a distant relative, he was much more than that. He was a man of faith that took it upon himself to become a minister later in life--and with that title, he helped put to rest many of the "grand" generation of my family by conducting their funeral sermons (or whatever you call them). Jed did so in an honest, from-the-heart, uplifting way that so often gets turned upside-down and exposed from people that just didn't know the deceased. Jed knew them, and he knew what to say about them. And everyone always left the sermon (or whatever it's called) feeling proud and thankful.
Jed's passing is a tough one. He was diagnosed with lung cancer only five and a half weeks ago--a little over a month. Not a smoker, so it was kind of out of left field. Jed's kids are mine and my sister's age roughly, so that in itself kind of hits home. I deeply feel for them and cannot imagine what they're going through. Mandi, Emily, if this ramble ever makes it your way, I just want to say how sorry I am.
I'm not an enormous fan of getting old. Not because I'm going through some mid-life crisis or anything--I'm not talking about me. I don't like getting old because it makes me worry about the next "grand" generation. Several of my closest friends have lost their parents recently. We lost Jed. Got nervous when my uncle had heart surgery. We're not getting any younger, and our parents certainly aren't either (no offense). This 'parents getting old' thing is new to me and I don't necessarily care for it. I want my dad and Uncle Bob to play football with me still (Uncle Bob still probably could, even after the aforementioned heart surgery). I don't like having the constant worry sitting in the back of my head. Lately it's moved to the front.
I understand though. I'm not in denial or unsure how life works. This is what happens. People get older and eventually fall out of good health--sometimes sooner, sometimes later. Then there's cancer. I wish cancer would get cancer. But when you're talking about that it really doesn't matter if you're 40 or if you're 70. That's an additional worry...can't control it though. You just have to stay positive and live your life, my friend.
And then my brain goes another direction. I could have cancer right now, who knows? I then fall into the mindset of prioritizing. IF that were to happen, especially sooner than later, what would I want to scratch off the bucket list? How would I want to speed up the living...you know, just in case I didn't win? Or for that matter, how would I want to spend it now, sans gloomy diagnosis, but in preparedness for a car wreck, an embolism, a blimp accident, a bullfighting mishap... Well, there are a ton of things I'd like to do: travel, explore, experience, taste, see.... But I think it all comes secondary to spending as much time with your loved ones as possible. All the other fun stuff is the icing.
That's what Jed did. He spent time with his loved ones and still saved some room for icing.
It's not going to be the same without you, bud. Thanks again for taking care of all of us when we lost the others--it really meant a lot to us. Hopefully I can somehow return the favor.
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