Acquisitions and Soap Box.

First off, I got some new stuff.

While Ruby and I were checking out a local flea market, I ran across a stack of old iron-ons from the 70s.  You remember, the kind you would get at K-Mart and your mom would iron them on (hence the name) a crisp, new white Fruit of the Loom t-shirt for you.  They generally had pictures of cars, super-heroes, warlocks and/or wizards, or some other cool 70s image.

Well, I bought one.  It wasn't cheap at $10, but too damn cool to pass up.  I'm pretty confident I got the coolest one.  A couple days later I bought a cheap t-shirt at Target, and presto--coolest shirt on earth.

If it were only a mesh half-shirt...

Then, a couple days ago while the fam and I were walking around the block, we ran into some random crap in someone's yard with a "free" sign on it all.  A little BBQ smoker caught my eye.  But man, I've already got three grills.

We returned home and April encouraged me to go pick it up if it was still there.  I jumped in the truck and went back to the yard of junk.  Everything was still sitting in their yard, so I grabbed the smoker.  Damn thing had to weigh 60lbs.  There was a little metal table too, all rusted out crunchy--but kinda cool--so I grabbed that too.

I spent an hour or so that evening cleaning them up, putting a fresh coat of paint on them, and giving them some new life.

The 'after' pic.

A little rickety and rusty.

A crescent wrench makeover, new high-heat paint job, and a little varnish.

My fire pit shot craps, so a perfect night for a test drive.  Next up: meat.

*Now, not to be dramatic, but I'm angry about something and I'm going to use profanity to express my frustrations.  If you are worried that this outburst might change your saintly image of me, then you might want to skip this part.*

Apparently there is a fashion company called Dolce & Gabbana.  My wife thinks I'm an imbecile for not knowing of them.  In truth, I'm kind of proud of myself for not knowing.  This is not why I'm angry, though.

The owners of this company made public comments saying that in vitro fertilization create "children of chemistry" and the children are "synthetic".

I don't care about who these people are.  What bothers me is that people actually feel this way.  And I'm assuming the majority of folks who feel this way do not or have not had any trouble conceiving children.  When I hear comments like this made, it feels like a direct insult to me, my wife, and my beautiful, innocent 8 month-old daughter--who was conceived via IVF.

I guess Elton John got mad and retorted in some manner.  Good.  But I still really don't care about that either.  What I care about is people with an ancient, archaic way of thinking, expressing their unjustified opinions.  I understand that you have the right to have an opinion, just like me.  But think about all the people you are directly insulting with your beliefs.  You're attacking good people who believe in family.  Not to mention the innocent, happy children you are belittling. 

I don't care if you have religious beliefs that you think justify your opinions.  If you do, I feel sorry for you.  I don't want to be a part of any god that shuns life and love.

There is nothing synthetic about my baby.  There is nothing chemical about my baby.  The only thing you need to know about my baby is that she is happy, healthy, and fucking amazing.  I'm pretty sure that God (or whomever) likes her, too.

Stop caring about this shit.  Stop it with your anti-IVF, your anti-gay, your anti-non-traditional family, your anti-black, your anti-Jew.  Just fucking stop.  No god that I know is with you on any of this, so why care about it?  It's just people, love, life, and family.  There's nothing bad about it.  So shut up.

Thank you April.  I love you.

Picture of a synthetic, chemical baby that should not have been brought into this world.

...

Have a Swell Life.

Whilst completing my fatherly duties this morning, consisting of laundry, vacuuming, dishes, painting a table, making breakfast, and keeping my daughter alive, I found myself appreciative of my swell life.  And that lead to this:

Earl's tips for living a swell life.

This is not preachy, nor pretentious.  It's just a handful of things I've learned during my tenure in this life.  They aren't the usual "dance like no one is watching you" or some other Ellen-type shit.  Just things I've learned.  Take 'em or leave 'em.

In no particular order...

Number One:  Keep Trying.  (As with all of these "things", I'll certainly elaborate when necessary).  Keep trying basically means that you're not going to succeed with everything you do.  And if, by chance, you do, I'm doubting that you got it right on the first try.  This might sound pretty Sesame Street, so let me offer an example...

Full disclosure: I've always dreamt of starting my own business and working for myself.  And if you know me, then you know that I have a ton of outstanding ideas, but am challenged when it comes to implementing these ideas...putting them in motion.  But I keep trying.  I take what I believe to be the proper steps in achieving this plan.  I reevaluate things when I run into a roadblock.  I study, I step back, I plan, and I continue to dream.  And during this entire process, which I will succeed in doing--at least in some capacity, I have pride in knowing that I keep trying.


Number Two:  Be Appreciative.  Grateful, thankful, humble, don't take things for granted...however you want to spin it.  When nice things happen, acknowledge them and be appreciative.  Some folks don't have a lot of good things happen for them, for whatever reason, so those of us that do have good fortune need to be grateful.  I don't care who or what you're grateful to--that's a whole other conversation--just be grateful.


Number Three:  Balance.  If you're going to drink, smoke, and/or eat like shit, try exercising and eating a salad or two to at least balance things out a bit.  If you love to travel, make sure you balance out your time away with some quality 'at home' time.  Work your ass off, make serious work decisions, say important work catch-phrases like "moving forward", "see what sticks", and "senergy"...but then balance that out with some fishing or a game of catch with your kid.

The examples are literally endless.  Balance is the key to the universe.


Number Four:  Embrace Your Inner Child.  That sounds creepy.  You know what I mean, though.
I might take to another level, but at least I embrace it.  I grew up loving baseball, comic books, and Star Wars, and it makes me happy to include those things in my life today.  I don't give a crap if people think I'm immature or nerdy.  Maybe I am.

Fact of the matter is, it's going to help me grow old gracefully, keep an 'old dad' younger, and continue to remind me of what a great childhood I had.  Don't be so serious.


Number Five:  Listen To Stupid Music.  That's right, stupid music is fun.  But first, acknowledge that the music is stupid, and please don't listen to the music all the time because you will then become stupid as a result.

I like good music.  I appreciate great musicians and artful song writers.  But I like Whitesnake, too.  And my wife likes awful pop-country.  But that's okay, as long as you can distinguish between the two and ration your intake.  Sing the stupid music at the top of your lungs while you're driving, or in the shower, or four Scotches deep on a Tuesday night while in the basement with headphones on.  That's what it's there for.

I suppose that was kind of Ellen-ish.


Number Six:  Get Into a Hobby...or Two.  If you go to work, then come home and watch TV, day after day after day after day, then you probably suck.

Turn the damn TV off, and scrapbook, or cook, or bake, or garden, or brew beer, or build something out of wood or metal, or paint, or draw, or fish, or go to the batting cages, or workout, or invent a new game with your kids, or reupholster furniture, or build a website, or landscape your yard, or learn photography, or play the guitar, or work on your car, or go boating, or take a hike, or smoke a pork shoulder, or make a film, or take piano lessons, or go for a run with your dog, or collect comics.

Things that do NOT count as hobbies: Watching TV, going to the bar, shopping.  Sorry.


Number Seven:  Go Outdoors.  Sun is good.  Rain is good.  Trees are good.  Put down the video game and sit outside.  Appreciate the sounds of the birds chirping and the leaves rustling.  Smell the rain, and the freshly mowed grass.

Take it up a notch and go for a hike.  Find a trail, away from roads and houses, and walk on it.  Look at the different kinds of trees, rock formations, critters, and appreciate them.

I know it's super hard-core, but how about a bike ride?  How about a lake or river for some fishing?

When weather permits, cook a meal and eat it outside.  Don't have a patio?  Go to a park.

Just go outside.  It's good for you.


Number Eight:  Be Content With Not Knowing.  This one might offend.  Although it is a fairly broad thought, it also has to do with the two things that ruffle feathers and get people bent out of shape more than anything: Politics and religion.

I actually just deleted several paragraphs to this section.  I don't want to get into it, because that does not lead to a swell life.  Me being content with not knowing all the answers and keeping an open mind, while continuing to have faith in good things, is what matters here.


Number Nine:  Just Be Good.  This one is near and dear to my heart.

If you read this thing, then you might know that growing up, my grandparents were very important to me.  We fished and camped and watched baseball together...all five of us.  And you've probably read a thing or two about my Granny, who was the last of the four to go.

Well, the last time I saw my Granny was the day before she died.  She had become pretty sick and was laying on her bed.  Although she was starting to fade, and speaking was difficult for her, she still had her wits about her and everything she did say was either clever or ornery, or somehow a combination of the two.  Well, I was kneeled beside her bed holding her hand and chatting with her, and the last thing she said to me was this:  "Just be good."

So you can understand the importance of this simple understatement.  But it makes so much sense.  "Just be good."  That's what the Bible should say.  One page, three words, the end.  Granny should have been on Nike's marketing team.

Classic words to live by, and they're always on the forefront of my brain.  But I don't go out of my way to be overly-bubbly, or fake-good.  That's not me, and it wasn't Granny.



There you have it.  Nine tips for living a swell life.  Why not ten?  Ten is just too planned out and fake.  Nine is just right, and swell.

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