Retail vs. Christmas

"Is there anything we can help you out with today?"

"You guys finding everything alright?"

"If you have any questions on anything, just let me know!"

These phrases I say in my sleep.

I actually had a customer argue the other day, not only with me, but me and three other employees at different times whether the coat he was interested in was black or not.

DIPSHIT: "This coat isn't black, it's gray!"
ME: "Yea, I realize that some of our jackets may have different tones of black. It's just different dyes used by different manufacturing plants."
DIPSHIT: "There's no way this is black!"
ME: "I assure you, that jacket is black. If you would like one darker, maybe you'd like this jacket instead?"
DIPSHIT: "No. I want this jacket, but in black!"
ME: "Bud, that's as black as you're going to find that jacket. Here, I'll even show you the tag: 'Black'."
DIPSHIT: "It's not black."
ME: "It is. Trust me."
DIPSHIT: "I still don't think it's black..." as he walks away from me to argue the same pointless topic with another one of my employees.

Ahhh, the holidays! It brings out a lot of good in people, but it also brings out a lot of bad in people.

Bad, as in...

DIPSHIT: "What is your warmest jacket???" A question I get on a daily basis - sometimes the only question I seem to get all day. Fair enough, I guess. But enough with the debates.
ME: "Well, there are no temperature ratings on jackets like there are on sleeping bags - which are still fairly arbitrary - but with the knowledge that I have on the technology, I can most certainly make an educated assumption on this jacket as the warmest."
DIPSHIT: "No way. This one's gotta be warmer than this one."
ME: "Okay, fuck me." Then I walk away.

I hate people, yet I am in the service industry. Retail, to be exact. What is wrong with me? Why did I pick this profession? It sours my taste for the human race.

It has especially thrown a wrench in my Christmas spirit. I love Christmas...I truly do. Yet every year when Christmas approaches, as I'm trying so desperately hard to enjoy the spirit of the season, I automatically get avalanched by people trying to destroy my spirit with stupidity and rudeness.

DIPSHIT: "I'm looking for (describes the most popular coat manufactured by my company-and this is four days before Christmas)."
ME: "I'm sorry sir, we've completely sold out of that jacket."
DIPSHIT: "Well then order it for me."
ME: "I'm afraid it's sold out company-wide. Sorry."
DIPSHIT: "How am I supposed to get this coat then?"
ME: "You can try REI or Sports Authority."
DIPSHIT: "So you're not going to do anything for me..."
ME: "There's nothing I can do. The North Face makes a certain amount of coats based on their annual projections-it's not an endless supply. They distribute these coats to REI's, Sports Authorities, Dick's, Nordstroms, and thousands of other stores, including their own retail stores like this one. Unfortunately, since this is the most popular coat this season, all corporately owned TNF stores and outlets, as well as our Distribution Center and Ecomm Center are completely out."
DIPSHIT: "I just need you to find this coat for me."
ME: "If you give me just a minute, I can try and shit one out for you."
DIPSHIT: "That highly offends me! I'm never shopping here again!" Customer storms out as I pull my pants back up and wave at him.




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