poop rant.

I have the shits right now.  It's one of the worst cases of the shits I've ever had.  Poop soup, man.  All I can do is curl up in a ball and hope I don't shit myself...again.

I went to the doctor, reluctantly.  I say "reluctantly" because, why would I want to go?  He's either going to tell me that I have a bad case of diarrhea (duh)...or that I have some horrid, incurable disease caused by a small worm or something living inside my intestines.  It ended up being the former diagnosis and not the latter.  Luckily, I guess.

"Make sure you're on the BRAT diet!  You know, Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast!"

Oh, I thought you meant the delicious sausages made by Johnsonville.  I've eaten about 11 of those today and may have progressively gotten a little worse.  Sorry for the confusion.

I'm not seven, and I'm not an idiot.  I know what to eat and what not to eat when I'm sick.  Kind of.  Although I have been known to "punish" my stomach for being "bad" by ingesting a coney dog or a slab of ribs to whip it back into shape (which now that I think about it, I don't remember that tactic ever backfiring...), I'm fully aware of what I'm supposed to eat when shitting water.  Not worth a doctor's visit in my opinion.

This whole fiasco started in Mexico, five days ago.  Now, I'm grateful that my wife and I are able to take a trip to Mexico.  I'm grateful we can afford it (or that we have enough room on a credit card), I'm grateful that we can take time off from our jobs, and I'm grateful we have great family members to shuttle us to the airport and watch our dog for us.

But Mexico can eat shit.

I've been there three times now, and all three times I've gotten terribly ill.  I think I know what to watch out for by now...no water, no street food, blah blah blah.  But how am I supposed to have a relaxing vacation if I can't have any ice, no water, be wary of the food, don't touch the money, there's no hand sanitizer anywhere, hardly any soap, be careful of glassware and dishes, and to be safe don't touch anything.  Apparently everything in Mexico is disease-ridden.  To me, at least.

I digress.  I'm just annoyed right now.  Sitting here typing, listening to my innards make disgusting noises, no doubt preparing for another puckered run to the john.  I'm all out of Immodium.

If I'm not better by tomorrow, I'm going to Sonic.  Fuck it.

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