Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Deletion followed by Cancer Rant

I decided to delete my last post about how I felt over the New Year.

One: It's boring. Who cares how I felt or what I did? If I were a new reader, and that was the first post that I read, I would judge the entire blog page based on that one post and would not continue to read any of the other posts. And that would be a shame, seeing as how I have so many other interesting thoughts........(insert sideways smiley face...perhaps winking).

Two: No offense to any other bloggers or writers or whatever you call yourselves, but if I wanted to know what you were doing or how you spent your NYE or if you are sick or well, I'd be on Twitter. I already ignore the Facebook as much as I can, due to the fact that I don't care about the above-mentioned. Basically, if I want to know how someone's doing, I'll ask them. But it doesn't entertain me, nor is it the type of thing I like writing about.

On to a much more serious thought.

I don't like cancer. It makes me angry. It makes me angry because it has fucked with way too many people that I know. Some beat it, some didn't, some are trying.

The most recent victim to be exposed to this horrid creature is a great friend of mine's mother. It's found her lungs somehow, even though she is not a smoker. The realistic part of this is, that another great friend of mine's mother just lost her battle with it a couple months ago. It just doesn't stop.

Everyone that I know has been affected by it in one way or another. Me personally, I lost an uncle and a cousin. Now my Granny has it. If she could, she'd kick that cancer in the ribs because she's very mad at it.

I have friends and relatives who are currently fighting it, refusing to give in. But it's got to take it's toll on you. You've got to just keep living through it and not let it take control.

Hmph. I'm talking like I know what it's like to have it. I have no idea. I don't know the mental anguish you must go through, the physical torment, what's it's like to face death, or what it's like after supposedly beating it. All I know is that it sucks.

My brother-in-law, Pat, lost his brother to cancer a year ago. It was difficult for me, and I didn't even know his brother. I can't fathom what Pat and his family went through.

My cousin, Robert, lost his wife to cancer a couple years before Pat's loss. I can fathom perhaps a fraction of what Robert went through.

But you know what? And maybe I'm overstepping my boundaries here because I have not gone through what many of you have gone through...but with the battles lost, maybe there is some good. Believe me, I'm not saying that cancer deaths are good--or that heartache, mental rollercoasters, seeing a dear one confined to a hospital bed, or someone you love being victimized by a mysterious, deadly disease that is gradually draining them is good. But if...and that's a big if...if everything happens for a reason, then maybe, just maybe it is a good thing to savor life after a loss. Or before, for that matter.

Maybe we should realize more often that life is fragile, but it is filled with infinite possibilities. I'm not talking about living it up "extreme" style or a "bucket list" or anything. No skinny skiing or going to bull fights on acid, just enjoying and appreciating things more; trying to get the most out of your time here; focusing on things that are important. I realize that's an awful large loss just to make one understand the joys of life; it doesn't really even out. But I still believe it's good. If one of my parents or wife or sister were suddenly gone because of cancer, I'm sure that I wouldn't immediately see the good in everything. But I know that after the smoke cleared, I would be trying to make the most of my time here. We should all probably be doing that regardless.

Cancer is weird. Obviously, I don't know much about it. But you'd think that with all the scientific advancements that we would be able to cure it. We can clone. We can go to Mars. We can send robots seven miles into the deepest canyons of the ocean. We can make electronics that are smarter than humans and smaller than your thumbnail. But we can't cure cancer.

Maybe cancer is more mysterious than we think. Maybe it happens for a reason. That's hard to imagine, but maybe it does. And if it doesn't, we need to find a reason within ourselves. A good reason. Because that's the only way you and I are going to be able to deal with the battles and the the losses, by trying as hard as we can to find some sort of good to come out of it.


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