Angry Dietician.

I live in Colorado, surrounded by Hippies, Hipsters, Greenies, Trusties, and Yuppies.  As you can imagine, there is a lot of "organic" this and "sustainable" that.  It becomes nauseating when crammed down your throat, and for me, to the point of wanting to buy an F350 and eat McDonald's everyday just to supply these granola eaters with a solid "fuck you".  A free range, cage free F350...

But there are some practices that make sense to me.  I'm no hippie, but I have become somewhat interested in where my food comes from.  Now, I'm not rich enough to require any dietary restrictions, so I follow the Earl Law of "eating real food", at least when I can.  That damn convenience issue screws up the Law from time to time, but it's a good, solid guideline to follow.

"Eating real food" sounds ridiculous.  It's crazy that we even have talk about this.  But with the convenience issue I just mentioned, we are surrounded by processed foods and beverages chocked full of weird shit to cater to people who are either in a damn hurry, or that just don't know any better.  I try not to eat fast food or drink soda too much, but you also have to understand that it's part of who Americans are, and by this point we are probably pretty immune to the weird shit floating around in this convenient food.

Remember in grade school when you were taught the four food groups?  Meat, fruits & vegetables, grain, and dairy?  Well, anymore it seems you can't eat these.  Fruits & veggies have to be organic.  Meat has to be grass fed, free range, and hormone free.  Grain will kill you, and dairy makes you psychotic and gaseous.

Shit man, I think that's stupid.  Dieticians are as bad as chiropractors.  I'm no genius, obviously, but my grandparents ate fruit, veggies, meat, dairy, and bread, and they all lived to be old as fuck.  Hell, my granny had bacon at least once a week and she lived to be 95.

My advice to you?  Stop being so lazy and learn to cook food.  Buy actual food--not processed, not pre-cooked or prepared, not mass produced, not with ingredients you can't pronounce--and cook it and eat it.  Can't afford organic vegetables?  Me neither.  So plant a garden.  Or better yet, don't worry about pesticides.  It's not that big a deal.  How do I know?  Because said grandparents lived to be old as fuck, remember?  They bought veggies from Shop 'N Save, and I'm pretty sure they weren't Certified USDA Organic.  That shit didn't even exist until 1990.  I don't know, I may actually rather eat pesticides rather than bug shit.

Your meat have to be grass fed and free range?  Well, that's a nice sentiment.  But you're trusting whoever designed the label that's stickered to the cellophane.  My advice?  Find the farm.  Or better yet?  Shoot a deer and eat that instead.  Be careful though, that deer may have been eating non-organic crops.

Bread and dairy are the devil, right?  I get that it doesn't fall into a lot of people's diets.  I've even attempted to cut back on sugars, thus slowing down on my starch intake.  If you want to lose weight, that's not a bad route to take, I suppose.  But once again, the grandparents thing.  And no, they weren't morbidly obese or unhealthy.  Just regular, food-eating folks.  And if you really want to lose weight, you could try not eating so much and exercising.  Just a thought.

To conclude this ridiculous, random rant:  Eat whatever you want, I guess.  This is America.